The Notebook
by lunatic2.2
Summary: *CoHF-Spoilers* After Magnus handed the notebook to Alec as an attempt to share his past with him, Alec can t lay the book aside. A/N: For this fanfic you must have read the Bane Chronicles
1. A Mystery

A Mystery

„You never learned why excactly you´ve been banned from Peru?" Alec´s eyes were shining curiously, a deep blue ocean of vitality. In his hands was the notebook Magnus had given to him, contaíning the stories of his past that had shaped his personality most.

At first, Magnus had been anxious about revealing his past to Alec. Just thinking about it felt like a punch to his stomach. There was a reason he hesitated to open up to Alec. There were dark parts about himself, things he´d done, that he regretted, things he could never forgive himself for doing. There had been people in his life, long ago, who he had buried deep down in his heart. People who had left scars, like Will or Etta, and it hurt sharing those memories with someone else.

However, Alec wasn´t just _someone else_. No, Alexander Lightwood was special, he was the one who kept Magnus from petrifying. He brought fresh air to his immortal life with his innocence, his enthusiastic way of approaching the world, his honesty and his willingness to selflessly protect his beloved ones.

Magnus smiled. Yes, Alec had changed him, although he had claimed immortals to be unable to alter. He realized now, that Alec wouldn´t shrink back from the dark side of Magnus. Instead, he had made very clear that he loved every single side of his warlock boyfriend, his qualities as well as his mistakes.

In fact, Alec seemed to be really invested in the story of Magnus Bane. Every spare time he spent reading through the notebook, frowning at some parts, laughing at others – it was like Magnus couldn´t have made him a better present.

Right now he had seemingly finished reading about Magnus´ adventures in Peru.

„Yes, my love, sad to tell you, but this secret remains a mystery. Even for me."

Alec narrowed his eyes in reflection. „I´ll tell you why." he said and Magnus raised a brow.

„Oh? How come you think you´d be wiser than the High warlock of Brooklyn in this matter?"

Alec smiled a superior smile and Magnus thought, the time he spent with Jace should really be reduced.

„It´s obvious." he simply said acting all mysteriously.

Yes, Magnus thought, Jace is rubbing off on Alec far too much. „Is that so?" he asked. „Enlighten me, then, darling."

Alec pretended to ponder about the request for a moment, before shaking his head. „What do I get in return for that piece of information?"

„Hmm, let´s see. What can I trade for your knowledge..." Magnus smirked. „What about me cleaning up the deviousness from your body with a hot shower after making you all hot and sweaty in our special training room?"

The provocating expression had vanished from the shadowhunter´s face, being replaced by the typical sweet blush Magnus so adored. He laughed. „Ahhh. And there I thought I was having a relationship with Jace 2.0. Thank God my innocent Alec still exists."

Alec just rolled his eyes at the remark. „No, seriously, I can´t believe you haven´t figured it out by now. Do you realize what you´ve done in Peru all those times?" Alec continued. „You´re banned from Peru because of the sum of mischief you´ve done there, and they simply feared you would turn the whole state into ashes the next time you´d visit." Magnus blinked. After a moment a smile spread out on his face, a smile of fondness, amusement and desire.

„So... you´re saying I am a dirty little warlock who needs to be punished?" he asked, deepening his voice to a seductive murmur. The blush on Alec´s face turned into an even deeper red, but he smirked anyway, nodding slowly. He was standing only a metre or so away from him, and Magnus held his breath when the shadowhunter went to overcome the remaining distance.

Leaning forward, he whispered into the warlock´s ear, his breath tickling at Magnus skin as he spoke, sending pleasant shivers all over his body. „You know, what you said earlier – the thing with the shower and the bedroom... it sounds good to me."

Magnus licked his lips. The fact that Alec didn´t even touch him and yet had this immense effect on him bothered him like hell. He couldn´t stand the distance anymore and reached forward, cupping each cheek with his hands and putting their foreheads together so that they were staring right into each other´s eyes. „You´re a bloody tease, Alexander, aren´t you?" he said.

And then he kissed him.

And the whole world disappeared and became Alec Lightwood.

Alec´s taste on his lips. Alec´s silky black hair between his fingers as he brushed through them. Alec´s hands on his back, on his hips, on his bare skin as they made their way under Magnus´ claret shirt. Alec´s groans in between two kisses, when he gasped for air.

_Air is overrated_, Magnus thought, breathing the sweet scent of Alec in.

Suddenly Alec pushed him away with his hand on his chest holding him in place.  
„Maybe we should move this to the bedroom." he whispered a little breathlessly.

Magnus grinned. He couldn´t approve more. „Maybe." he said, taking his shadowhunter´s hand and leading him to his – no, _their_ – bedroom.

The mystery of Peru might be solved or not – Magnus couldn´t care less.

There was a way more wonderful mystery to be discovered – and he had a lifetime to do so.

A lifetime to be surprised, to laugh, to fight and to love.

The mystery of Alec Lightwood was all he ever wanted.


	2. Of Charming Counts

„I don´t like Axel von Fersen." Alec proclaimed into the silence.

Magnus blinked. He looked up and right into Alec´s blue eyes which had only recently stopped concentrating on the book in his hand. Now the notebook was closed, and Alec´s hand lay on it protectively.

_Axel von Fersen_.

Magnus didn´t have to try hard to remember the name. He was a very important personality in French history, in times of revolution, but he had also been a man Magnus had known personally. He had been one of a few men who had actually made an impression on Magnus with his courage, his commitment and his incredible good looks.

Magnus smiled.  
Not at the memory, but at how bothered Alec looked at him right now.

Well, maybe he should have dropped his admiration of the count out of the story. A jealous Alec wasn´t very pleasant, as he had learned.  
On the other hand, Magnus thought, a little bit of jealousy could be flattering for his ego.

„Excuse me?" Magnus said innocently.

„He´s impertinent and bumptious. And stupid, I might add. His plan to rescue the Queen was thoughtless. It could´ve never worked."

„Oh really? In my memory he came across as being pretty charming and smart.", Magnus said. „May I ask you in which part of the story you got such a misguided impression?"

„Ever since that guy appeared." Alec uttered very vaguely.

Magnus grin became wider. „Could it be the part where he kissed me?" he offered.

Alec pursed his lips. „You´re a very mean warlock." he said.

„I´m just trying to reflect my memoires as truthful and authentic as possible."

„I hate you."

„You love me."

„...Maybe."

„For sure."

„You´re right."

„Always am."

„I still don´t like him."

Magnus snorted. „You´ve just been reading two stories of my life and you´ve already criticized me twice. Is that what I´ll always get for my writings?"

Alec stared at him. „I didn´t criticize you."

„You told me I was too dumb to realize why I´m banned from Peru and now you´re saying I totally misjudged charming Axel von Fersen. Sounds very critical to me."

Alec stood up from his place on the couch, placed the book on the coffee table and moved closer to Magnus. He put his arms around him and looked him straight in the eyes. Then he kissed him. It was a soft kiss, a kiss of sweetness and safety and balance. A kiss that made him forget he ever knew stunning black haired mundanes or even seducing blonde vampires.

It was far too early when Alec broke away.

„_That´s_ what you´ll get for sharing your past with me." he whispered. „I´m sorry. I was being stupid."

Magnus smirked. „Are you trying to bribe me, Mr Lightwood?"

Alec blinked. „I didn´t mean to-"

„I didn´t say it didn´t work." Magnus cut in and leaned forward to steal another kiss. He felt Alec´s lips quirk up to a small smile under his touch.

Well, if that´s what he´d get everyday from now on, he couldn´t complain.


	3. The Price of Love

Magnus stood at the window and looked down at the gray streets of Brooklyn. He didn´t know how long he had waited there, time seemed to be opaque at the moment, seconds, minutes passing without him realizing.

Alec had behaved strangely today. He´d once again read his journal, the story of the life of Magnus Bane, being totally absorbed into the universe of the past for a whole while, not paying attention to his surroundings. Magnus had acknowledged that, since it was apparently something his boyfriend needed, his very own time with the part of Magnus he had shown to only a few people.

When he had been ready with another story, though, Alec hadn´t felt the urge to talk about the new things he had just come to know. Instead, he had put the book aside and left the apartment without a word, a deep frown on his face.

Magnus then had looked at the story he´d read and wondered what could have possibly deranged Alec like this.  
He was worried. Very worried, when he took a look at his own handwriting.  
It was a story of Vampires and nephilim and the complicated relationship between Downworlders and Shadowhunters. Magnus hadn´t sugarcoated how misanthropic and obsolete he found most of the laws of the Clave and how cruel the nephilim treated the downworlders, and even their own. It was a story that told that many things, sometimes even love, came with a price.

Magnus slowly understood what Alec was upset about. Being reminded of the dicey fragility of love was not a very pleasant experience. The fact that Magnus had first met Camille back then didn´t help much either.

Magnus closed his eyes for a moment. He should have sugarcoated some parts of the story after all, he thought.  
But on the other hand, he wanted to unveil his whole self to Alec, his hopes and fears, his good experiences as well as his bad ones. It was what Alec had wished for and he didn´t regret giving it to him.  
Still, the feeling of unease didn´t vanish. After all this time of living, loving and broken hearts, a scenario where Alec Lightwood rejected him was one of the most frightening things he could imagine.

Magnus stirred when a familiar dark figure appeared in the corner of his eyes. He quickly left his position at the window and looked expectantly towards the front door. Only seconds later Alec walked in and suddenly the time seemed to flow in its regular way again.  
Magnus said nothing, just waited with strained patience until the shadowhunter had sat down on the couch opposite him.

„You read the one about Edmund Herondale." he said matter-of-factly.

Alec nodded. „It was... interesting."

Magnus exhaled sharply. „Alec, I think-"

„I think we should talk." Alec interrupted him. Magnus´ eyebrows shot up.  
A rather awkward silence followed in that Alec seemed to struggle for words and Magnus was simply too taken aback to voice anything.

„I have no idea how I should start, I guess I´ll just bare my thoughts without a filter. It might be counfusing but I´d like you to just listen at first." Alec eventually broke the silence. Magnus nodded slowly. Alec let out a relieved breath.

„So... I know I´m usually very law-abiding, more than my siblings obviously, but that´s not very hard to top. But, well, even I see that the Clave has it´s drawbacks and rather big ones at that, and seeing this from the point of view from a, well, downworlder is kind of really... an eye-opener.  
I, uhm, I... had to think after I read this story, because it was a heavy topic and I just needed some time, I guess. Sometimes I can´t believe myself that the Clave is so stubborn. And then there was this thing with Camille... I can´t really arrange the Camille in your story with the Camille I met. But I guess I was always rather biased when it came to her.  
However, what got me thinking was what you wrote about love and how it always came with a price one way or another, especially in the world of the nephilim. And I think you´re right. I´ve wished, so many times, it would get easier, but I guess with us it won´t ever be."

Magnus gulped. After all they had made through he wouldn´t just break up with him like that, would he?  
„Alec-"

„Let me finish, please." Alec said. „I´m fine with what we agreed on when we talked about us. I wouldn´t want to change you, and I don´t want to be immortal. As much as I wanted to solve the problem with the mortality, it´s not fair to give up who you are for love. That´s not what love is. But that doesn´t mean I stop hoping we could find a way, sometime in the future. It´s just not the time yet. I guess what I´m trying to say is that the fact that we just have a lifetime with each other, that´s what makes it so... valuable. And I know it´s probably insensitive to bring that up again, but I just wanted to talk about it. Does that make any sense?"

Magnus wasn´t sure if Alec was finished, but he just kept staring at him somewhat expectantly. Magnus couldn´t help but stare back. He was simply stunned by the monologue the shadowhunter had given him that he couldn´t form any words – which, by the way, didn´t happen very often.

„Magnus?" Alec said a little self-conciously. „Say something. Please."

Magnus stirred. He was searching for words and cleared his throat to fight against his dry throat.  
„That was... deep." he managed.

Alec pulled at the sleeve of his sweater nervously. „Yeah, I suppose."

Magnus laughed. „You´re so... so _Alec-ish_!"

Alec blinked. „Did you just use my name as an adjective?" he asked confused.

„Yes. Yes, I did. Personally, I think it should get into the dictionary."

Alec furrowed his brow. „And what would be the definiton?"

Magnus seemed to ponder about that. „Incredibly adorable, sweet and considerate. And hot." he smirked. „Definitely hot."

Alec failed suppressing a laugh.

Magnus came a little closer to him and sat down next to him on the couch. He put a hand around his shoulder and looked him in the eyes. „I meant that what you just said is so _you. _You´re so attentive and endearing and you´re right. I know enough about love to be sure about this: our relationship might be unusual, but it´s absolutely worth all the trouble. To be honest, I was a little worried that what I wrote insulted or repelled you."

Alec leaned a bit back so that he could have a better view of his boyfriend. His blue eyes shone bright as he looked at him. „No, that´s not it. At all." he said. „I wanted this. To see it all, learn those things about you. It´s great, thank you."

Magnus´ hands stroke at Alec´s back and pulled him gently towards him, closer. He placed a kiss at the corner of his mouth and felt the shadowhunter´s lip twitch up to a smile by the touch.

„You´re welcome." he whispered.

* * *

**A/N: Ookay... This was a little angsty, but sorry, it had to be. I reread "_Vampires, Scones and Edmund Herondale" _and it _was_ kind of angsty, so I made Alec pondering. Hope you like it ;)  
**


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